People Matter

remember this?

http://www.vimeo.com/2050660

Finals Week Spring '09 - People Matter

Negative or Positive

So I feel the need to express this and I hope that people take it the right way...but I feel like much of the BCM has a very negative atmosphere to it. Sarcasm is fun and hilarious at times, but I feel like at times our BCM has fallen victim to sarcasm going too far. Recently a friend from outside the BCM sarcastically stated "wow...i can tell the BCM is quite the uplifting place" after witnessing interaction between two BCM members. I know she was joking, but still...what are we saying to nonchristians through our negative interactions with each other? Why would anyone ever want to become involved in a place that is known for tearing each other down and constantly using other people as a source of amusement. I'm not saying I'm fault-free here...quite the opposite actually...but I think it's definitely something we all need to think about. I know I have become more and more sarcastic as the year has gone on and I'm worried about what has resulted from that. I think it's important to remember that what we say and what we do directly affects everyone around us and can even cause other people to turn away from Christ or the BCM or even to cause other people to deal with the temptation to sin. As a female, I have been reminded that what I wear and how I act not only affects my life, but can cause other people to sin. If a female is not dressed appropriately when around males, she can become a source of temptation - and I feel like not acknowledging this and being careful of this is incredibly selfish. With this said, the same goes for our words and actions. Through what we say, we can cause another person to be tempted to lash out in anger or become frustrated and even turn from God by sinning. The only truly selfless thing to do is to make sure we watch what we say so we don't become a temptation towards hate or bitterness for other people. Maybe the BCM is actually a very positive place and this was just one not so wonderful example of a negative interaction, but I guess I kinda feel like it might be more than that. Maybe I'm wrong, but if nothing else...it's something to think about. Through our actions and words, are we building the self-centered hypocritical christian stereotype or tearing it down? I feel my guilt. Let's change.

social christianity

here's a question to throw out to anyone who reads this...do you have to enjoy being around people in order to be a christian? does feeling like being around people is a huge effort and huge sacrifice make you less of a person? if you purposely avoid people so you don't have to go through the agony of making small talk and having to deal with their problems along with your own, does that make you incapable of following God's plan for your life? Would God ever make someone incapable of normal human action as part of His great plan? Why does christianity always seem to only be for those who are social and outgoing? How can someone glorify God if they are constantly alone? Is it possible that God planned it that way? Is there ever a time when someone putting other people before themselves can look like that person taking alone time?

maybe? or totally ridiculous...

Jesus is not a wimp.

there's a lot to be said for beach reach this past week...but i'm too tired to accurately portray how amazing the experience was for me

but just to start you off...as a little teaser i guess...here are some points that really hit home with me this past week (i won't even try to start in on all that we actually experienced and learned and discovered and all the people we met....it's too huge and it deserves its own post...these are just some things that really hit me during the worship time...thought i'd share)

"You are not without direction if you are without answers." -- I / we question God constantly...just because we don't get straight forward answers in our minds doesn't mean He's not guiding us.

"When you wake up in the morning, you are responsible for glorifying God and proclaiming His glory." -- when was the last time that was the first thing you thought of when you woke up...or the biggest priority you had throughout the day? yeah, me too

The speaker stated that when he made a commitment for Christ, he didn't think about eternity. What drew him to the gospel was that day in and day out his life could have purpose, hope,...
--crazy - and personally i think that's true for a lot of people

He also said something along the lines of that the creativity of some people is even unimaginable for us (his example was Disney and all the creativity involved in all things Disney), so why is it so strange for God to have unfathomable greatness? Why is it so strange for us to not understand why God does what He does or to not fully understand all He is?

Worship was so filled with joy - everyone seemed so incredibly pumped up to be in a room worshiping God and experiencing His crazy awesomeness...do you think sometimes we lose that perspective at the BCM? When was the last time you were so excited about what God was doing in your life and just so excited to be worshiping God that you couldn't help but jump up and down or shout for joy? Why aren't we more "crazed" for God? Why do we settle for small amounts of Him each day -- we should never have enough of Him...right?

How cool would it be if even half the people who regularly attended some sort of BCM event would say (and truly mean this) to God: "God, I will do somehting different. I will enact Your change." -- what if instead of trying to plan our own change, we really followed what He had planned -- talk about the easy way out...all we have to do is listen and act out the change He already has planned...but crap...those listening and acting parts are what get us every time

Let's never say through our actions, "That's too much Jesus for me." Let's never settle for a small Jesus...afterall...."Jesus is not a wimp."

I wish I could accurately portray all of that better for everyone who wasn't in panama city with us. The real amazingness was in the relationships formed and practiced...maybe another night i'll tackle expressing those


thanks so much for all of the prayer - God heard and God moved in crazy ways

Covering Fire

Spring break has come at last! We now sit in the middle of a time of rest which we have no doubt waited a long time for. We as a BCM have scattered to the four winds it seems.

I am very fond of the spring break trips we as a campus ministry continue to organize every year. My freshman year, I spent my first real mission trip with the then BSU in Bay St. Lous. I was challenged in ways I hadn't yet dreamed of and built some strong friendships that continue to this day. Last year also I spent spring break with the BCM in the Road Trip group where we served and fellowshipped both locally and abroad. The appalachian trail was particularly inspiring.

This year, three groups of people in particular come to mind. We have sent out three spring break groups:

Beach Reach in Panama City
Asheville
Numbered which is traveling all over the place

And now as we are scatted, I feel, it is time to broach the subject of prayer.

Perhaps you are like me in that you have had difficulty in committing to pray for people. I know there have been more than one occasion in my life when, emotionally stirred by a sermon or message, I made some committment to pray for missionaries over seas or a divine work in foreign lands. Of course, these commitments have often fallen flat.

But that isn't time to kick ourselves for forgetting to pray in the past.

It is these poignant times that I often think of prayer as a sort of "covering fire" we can give to our brothers and sisters. Not everyone may make the charge into enemy territory or at least, not in the same place. There comes a time to support our fellows from a distance. Though we may not be able to stand side by side with each other this week, we can pray for each other, whether we are serving on the beach, travelling from Tennessee to Alabama, or merely spending time away from being busy.

I don't ask for a commitment to pray every day or a promise that may or may not be kept. I only ask that you pray. Go ahead and do it now (why wait?). Pray that God will do a mighty work, keep his people safe, and grow us all this week. If you've got time, spend some time in quiet. If you don't, just pray as you go. Pray again as you remember.

I look forward to hearing the stories when we return. But don't think that the time to pray for each other belongs only to one week in the spring when school is off. Maybe, just maybe, we can keep up the covering fire when the spring break has long passed.

survival instincts

Why are you a christian? and not the church answer...not the answer that you feel you should say...but seriously...what first motivated you to want to put someone else in charge of your life...why the heck would you ever want to put all of your trust in someone / some thing you can't even see or touch or sometimes even feel...what's in that for you?...why have we done it? why are we christians?

my answer is selfish...i became a christian for completely selfish reasons...because i had to...because if i hadn't accepted christ...if i hadn't given my life over to someone else...anyone else besides me...i wouldn't make it day to day, month to month, year to year without crashing and maybe not making it back out of the hole...my motivation was a survival instinct somewhere deep inside of me that drew me towards the one thing - one person - that could save me from destruction...and what an awesome instinct that turned out to be

do you ever wonder if everyone else feels that same instinct...but instead of turning to an awesome savior they turn to literally anyone else...a boyfriend, a girlfriend, a parent, a friend, an enemy, a drug, an activity, anything...so what makes me any different from someone who felt the same things, but was just drawn to something different? why do i have God to control my life and they have fallible humanity to lead theirs...what makes me any different? i'm not any more deserving...less so almost...was it the people around me gently guiding me there? did they give me God as an option if nothing else, so at least i could consider Him as 'one of the worthy keepers' of my life?...

what's your answer? why did you do it? why'd you first take the plunge?

"the other side"

So I've been reading The Fountainhead by Ayn Rand lately and well it's a messed up book in a way haha but I love it. I love the way she writes and the way she pulls things out of the world that I never would have been able to pull out or express that way. Anyway, recently I came across a a section that really hit home for me and I thought I might share it. Here's a really crappy catch-you-up for anyone who hasn't read the book (anyone who has...feel free to correct me if my summary is wrong)

This guy, Mallory, meets one of the main characters, Roark,and basically Roark refuses to accept society and refuses to accept that he must be a cookie cutter mold and refuses to stab other people in the back but insists that his own individualism and own individual creativity in architecture is far superior to any of the crap architecture that the other "sellouts" are giving the public, because the other guys are just giving society what they want...not what is actually great, ingenious architecture...for example, Roark works within simplicity...everything is created for a purpose and serves that purpose while being beautiful as a result almost...not stupid ornaments everywhere to make a building seem more expensive...not architectural ideas stolen from everyone else....anyway...haha Mallory is similar in his creative genius but with sculpture instead of architecture...and so Roark asks Mallory to make a sculpture for a temple that Roark has been hired to design and build...and when Roark finds Mallory, Mallory is basically going crazy in his apartment - he hasn't had work in forever and has basically suffered because no one wants him...nothing he does is considered amazing...although Roark thinks it is...Mallory has become an outcast, as has Roark, but Mallory is younger and weaker than Roark and he goes almost insane and can't handle not sculpting and can't handle seeing all the crap around him that is created with no personal investment in the project, just the goal of making money and getting rich, etc....

So with that in mind, I came across this part where Roark addresses Mallory saying:

“Now,” he said, “talk. Talk about the things you really want said. Don’t tell me about your family, your childhood, your friends or your feelings. Tell me about the things you think.”
Mallory looked at him incredulously and whispered:
“How did you know that?”
Roark smiled and said nothing.
“How did you know what’s been killing me? Slowly, for years, driving me to hate people when I don’t want to hate….Have you felt it, too? Have you seen how your best friends love everything about you-except the things that count? And your most important is nothing to them, nothing, not even a sound they can recognize. You mean, you want to hear? You want to know what I do and why I do it, you want to know what I think? It’s not boring to you? It’s important?”

I think I can really relate to the way Mallory feels in this...recently I have hated everyone around me for no reason...and it's been horrible and I hate that I hate so much...and there's no reason for it...but I've been trying to pull myself out of it...is this a normal feeling? Do other people feel this way sometimes? I'm not sure there's a solution to it even...maybe I'm a Mallory who needs to find a Roark haha...or maybe everyone feels this way at times but no one will admit it because we feel like we have to be happy 24/7 to show people that christians are always happy and never hurt. NOT TRUE...why do I feel like this is such a goal in today's Christian society? Am I alone in this thought?

Later Mallory goes on to talk about Roark and how Roark found him utterly destroyed and torn down. Mallory says,
"I'm wiser than you are about some things, because I'm weaker. I understand-the other side. That’s what did it to me … what you saw yesterday.”

I think this is huge...I can't speak for everyone else but I know that I know what it feels like to be completely down and feel like there is literally no hope...Christians arent supposed to feel that way...they're always supposed to have hope in God...and I do...but sometimes I dont...is that ok? In a way does it make me stronger? Do other people share in this or am I unique?...and I guess I feel like as a new christian I know what it feels like too to live in the nonchristian world and in one way that makes me weaker sorta - I dont have all these experiences with God for all these years...but in another way it makes me stronger...makes me understand what happens to everyone to an extent and makes me realize how horrible it is and how much we all need God...makes me realize that God caring even a little bit is amazing...and that even if we're dealing with crap while trusting God...it's 10 times better than dealing with crap without God. When people are too strong do they become weaker in a way cause they can't understand what it feels like to hurt?...or they can't understand the weaker people?...or they get too confident?...or get too self sufficient or something? I think so sometimes. ...in a way I relate to being the weaker, "wiser" one...and on the other hand I relate to being the stronger, "less wise" one...I think maybe we all do...Why do we feel the need to hide this pain and all these trials from our friends, from ourselves, or even try to hide it from God...Life isn't all smiles and giggles...but doesn't that make life just that much more amazing and unpredictable and fullfilling? Am I totally off on this? I might be...but at the same time I might not...

The book of Job wasn't included in the Bible for nothing right? Should we yearn to understand "the other side"?

ps - it's gorgeous outside! times might not always be easy...and God might not always make life any easier and God won't always "make everything better" - in fact I sorta feel like that rarely happens...how would we grow otherwise? - ...but days like these make me smile :-)

Freshmen Are Awesome

So for me, the best part about Advanced was definitely hanging around the Freshmen. I mean, I played foursquare with them until like 2:30 in the morning. It cost me a Michael Ellis shoe to the face in the end, but I got to know Zack Dicky, the Tolers (hope that's right), Riley, and so many others. This weekend I saw a glimpse of their hearts, and what I found was hope and encouragement in the future of our BCM. Specifically, I mean the impact that we can have on the future, the impact that Christ can have through us. I've got one more year, and now I'm thinking to myself, "Let's really pass on the torch." Let's give it to the freshmen, all we can!

And thank you freshmen for leading us. It was definitely a reminder for me in humility. I am trying to lead people, but I am still a follower. In all of us being followers, we can still encourage each other in so many ways. Freshmen you did an amazing job last weekend. I had a blast!

Not For Beginners

So Advance has come and gone. This is only the second time we've even had a "BCM Advance" and I already feel like its become a tradition.

I hope everyone had as good of a time as I did. I lost a lot of sleep playing card games (Where my Mao players at?) but it was all worth it in the end.

When I think about the word "Advance" I can't help but think of "Advanced." It is, after all, a single consonant away. "Advanced" as in "Expert" or "not for beginners." Our topic this weekend was pretty advanced as far as retreats go. I've been to retreats on worship, on sacrifice, on nothing in particular, on evangelism, on general leadership, and more - but never have I been on a retreat about "Slingshot leadership." But maybe its not so tough after all. Maybe I've just made it too complicated.

It's pretty convenient that we would cover this on my (possibly) last Advance trip with the BCM. It makes me reflect on my three full years I've already had with the BCM and how things have changed. Did you know we were the Baptist Student Union when I first got here? I hope so. If not, then I really feel old.

This whole idea of propelling future leaders further than we can go in the first place has got to be instrumental to the idea of transient college ministry. One of our fundamental problems is that every four (or five) years, the BCM pretty much gets a brand new cast of faces. This has its pros and cons, but regardless, it is a reality. Since we know there will come a time in the near future when we are no longer a face among our peers, we must prepare those that come after us. This manifests itself in a number of ways: encouragement, small group leadership, mentorship, giving others an opportunity to lead, frienship, being a follower first, and more. We have come not only to make a mark on our campus now, but to prepare those that will one day make their own mark. It's a ripple effect, and we may never know the true extent of our actions (till heaven! woo!).

The key is, it's relational. Our ministry here can be fun, friendly, and still powerful. As we sharpen each other, we prepare each other for the rest of our lives.

I hope that the younger people at the BCM who came to the retreat were as encouraged by the weekend as I was. I realize that not all of you may have stepped into "leadership" roles just yet, but I wanted to say that you have our support. I also wanted to remind you that leadership can come without titles. I am continually amazed and encouraged by the enthusiasm, faith, and courage that you pump into our ministry. Your leadership can turn this campus upside down.

That's not to say that we're done here. There is much left to do, and many things left to learn. I look forward to doing so side by side with everyone.

Is Anger Ever Ok?

Is it ok to get angry with God? Is there ever a time when anger is justifiable and/or considered OK or even good? Is there such a thing as righteous anger? Are all forms of anger OK as long as the correct action is taken to deal with them? Or is it ALWAYS a sin to get angry, especially with God?

Just something I've been dueling with for awhile...I'd love to hear thoughts if anyone wouldn't mind sharing. I've got plenty of thoughts on the topic but I hate to bias people or be biased too much before I hear their thoughts first haha

On a different note...

Advance was amazing.

I am so excited / nervous to pray over and decide where I want to apply for leadership at the BCM and I'm so glad I went on Advance. I hope everyone else is feeling the same way because I think we can really expect awesome things from the BCM the rest of this year and next year. I feel like there's so much potential for each of the vision teams for next year. We've already come so far with them this year that I feel like next year will only be better and better. Thank you to everyone who really put their effort and care into this short weekend, especially the freshmen. I absolutely LOVE freshmen ministry and I LOVE freshmen (in a very non creepy way haha) and I just think that everyone did a great job of stepping up and really showing what kind of young leaders the BCM will have next year. Thank you to all the upperclassmen who prayed over the underclassmen...if nothing else I know that meant a lot to me and really encouraged me to be excited and ready for a leadership opportunity...wherever God leads me. I encourage EVERYONE to look over the leadership application info and really seriously consider where you can get involved or remain involved at the BCM. I can't wait to see where we all are this time next year. Thanks everyone and I hope everyone else's Advance experiences were as awesome as mine. Be in prayer. Constantly. I need to be in prayer WAY more.

Darwin's Birthday

So I was reading a little bit at the Institute for Creation Research website. If you haven't ever been there, definitely go check it out. It's what one calls real science. So I was reading, and I discovered that the month of February houses Charles Darwin's birthday. Yay, right? Then I discovered that people across the globe are throwing big parties to celebrating Charles Darwin and his theory of evolution. "Hang on", I thought to myself. "Why does Darwin get a big birthday bash? What about Newton or Einstein, or Kepler and Galileo, why don't they get parties?" What's so special about Darwin? I thought some more. And here it is.

These people are celebrating Darwin and the separation of humanity from the oppression of religion, and not just any religion, but Christianity which is the only belief out there that gives any kind justification of where everything came from and why. But don't people know what they are cheering on really? I'll tell you. It's hopelessness. Yay, we're all decendants of monkeys created by random chance. We have no spirit, no eternal purpose, and when we die... well, we don't know. We guess we'll be nothing.

It saddened me to read this. Nihilism is a terrible and hopeless situation. If I could meet one of those guys, I think I would ask them, "Why are you excited that you are worthless and your life is meaningless?" Dear people, do you even know what you are saying? Don't you just want to tell such people about Jesus? Here! Live for something, love for something!

Lord, reveil to these people their folly. Open the eyes of their hearts to Jesus. And give your sons and daughter boldness to speak the truth of your name. Amen.

Welcome Back, Duke by Peggy Noonan

When I read this I about cried. I felt a spirit rise up in me that wanted to fight something, something evil. I have seen sissyness in my own life and I'm tired of seeing it. I wanna be like the Duke! It reminds me so much of Wild at Heart. Man, God, kick my rump off that chair and build me into a better man.

Here is Peggy's article---

Welcome Back, Duke
From the ashes of Sept. 11 arise the manly virtues.

Friday, October 12, 2001 12:01 A.M. EDT

A few weeks ago I wrote a column called "God Is Back," about how, within a day of the events of Sept. 11, my city was awash in religious imagery--prayer cards, statues of saints. It all culminated, in a way, in the discovery of the steel-girder cross that emerged last week from the wreckage--unbent, unbroken, unmelted, perfectly proportioned and duly blessed by a Catholic friar on the request of the rescue workers, who seemed to see meaning in the cross's existence. So do I.

My son, a teenager, finds this hilarious, as does one of my best friends. They have teased me, to my delight, but I have told them, "Boys, this whole story is about good and evil, about the clash of good and evil." If you are of a certain cast of mind, it is of course meaningful that the face of the Evil One seemed to emerge with a roar from the furnace that was Tower One. You have seen the Associated Press photo, and the photos that followed: the evil face roared out of the building with an ugly howl--and then in a snap of the fingers it lost form and force and disappeared. If you are of a certain cast of mind it is of course meaningful that the cross, which to those of its faith is imperishable, did not disappear. It was not crushed by the millions of tons of concrete that crashed down upon it, did not melt in the furnace. It rose from the rubble, still there, intact.

For the ignorant, the superstitious and me (and maybe you), the face of the Evil One was revealed, and died; for the ignorant, the superstitious and me (and maybe you), the cross survived. This is how God speaks to us. He is saying, "I am." He is saying, "I am here." He is saying, "And the force of all the evil of all the world will not bury me."

I believe this quite literally. But then I am experiencing Sept. 11 not as a political event but as a spiritual event.

And, of course, a cultural one, which gets me to my topic.

It is not only that God is back, but that men are back. A certain style of manliness is once again being honored and celebrated in our country since Sept. 11. You might say it suddenly emerged from the rubble of the past quarter century, and emerged when a certain kind of man came forth to get our great country out of the fix it was in.

I am speaking of masculine men, men who push things and pull things and haul things and build things, men who charge up the stairs in a hundred pounds of gear and tell everyone else where to go to be safe. Men who are welders, who do construction, men who are cops and firemen. They are all of them, one way or another, the men who put the fire out, the men who are digging the rubble out, and the men who will build whatever takes its place.

And their style is back in style. We are experiencing a new respect for their old-fashioned masculinity, a new respect for physical courage, for strength and for the willingness to use both for the good of others.

You didn't have to be a fireman to be one of the manly men of Sept. 11. Those businessmen on flight 93, which was supposed to hit Washington, the businessmen who didn't live by their hands or their backs but who found out what was happening to their country, said goodbye to the people they loved, snapped the cell phone shut and said, "Let's roll." Those were tough men, the ones who forced that plane down in Pennsylvania. They were tough, brave guys.

Let me tell you when I first realized what I'm saying. On Friday, Sept. 14, I went with friends down to the staging area on the West Side Highway where all the trucks filled with guys coming off a 12-hour shift at ground zero would pass by. They were tough, rough men, the grunts of the city--construction workers and electrical workers and cops and emergency medical worker and firemen.

I joined a group that was just standing there as the truck convoys went by. And all we did was cheer. We all wanted to do some kind of volunteer work but there was nothing left to do, so we stood and cheered those who were doing. The trucks would go by and we'd cheer and wave and shout "God bless you!" and "We love you!" We waved flags and signs, clapped and threw kisses, and we meant it: We loved these men. And as the workers would go by--they would wave to us from their trucks and buses, and smile and nod--I realized that a lot of them were men who hadn't been applauded since the day they danced to their song with their bride at the wedding.

And suddenly I looked around me at all of us who were cheering. And saw who we were. Investment bankers! Orthodontists! Magazine editors! In my group, a lawyer, a columnist and a writer. We had been the kings and queens of the city, respected professional in a city that respects its professional class. And this night we were nobody. We were so useless, all we could do was applaud the somebodies, the workers who, unlike us, had not been applauded much in their lives.

And now they were saving our city.

I turned to my friend and said, "I have seen the grunts of New York become kings and queens of the City." I was so moved and, oddly I guess, grateful. Because they'd always been the people who ran the place, who kept it going, they'd just never been given their due. But now--"And the last shall be first"--we were making up for it.

It may seem that I am really talking about class--the professional classes have a new appreciation for the working class men of Lodi, N.J., or Astoria, Queens. But what I'm attempting to talk about is actual manliness, which often seems tied up with class issues, as they say, but isn't always by any means the same thing.

Here's what I'm trying to say: Once about 10 years ago there was a story--you might have read it in your local tabloid, or a supermarket tabloid like the National Enquirer--about an American man and woman who were on their honeymoon in Australia or New Zealand. They were swimming in the ocean, the water chest-high. From nowhere came a shark. The shark went straight for the woman, opened its jaws. Do you know what the man did? He punched the shark in the head. He punched it and punched it again. He did not do brilliant commentary on the shark, he did not share his sensitive feelings about the shark, he did not make wry observations about the shark, he punched the shark in the head. So the shark let go of his wife and went straight for him. And it killed him. The wife survived to tell the story of what her husband had done. He had tried to deck the shark. I told my friends: That's what a wonderful man is, a man who will try to deck the shark.

I don't know what the guy did for a living, but he had a very old-fashioned sense of what it is to be a man, and I think that sense is coming back into style because of who saved us on Sept. 11, and that is very good for our country.

Why? Well, manliness wins wars. Strength and guts plus brains and spirit wins wars. But also, you know what follows manliness? The gentleman. The return of manliness will bring a return of gentlemanliness, for a simple reason: masculine men are almost by definition gentlemen. Example: If you're a woman and you go to a faculty meeting at an Ivy League University you'll have to fight with a male intellectual for a chair, but I assure you that if you go to a Knights of Columbus Hall, the men inside (cops, firemen, insurance agents) will rise to offer you a seat. Because they are manly men, and gentlemen.

It is hard to be a man. I am certain of it; to be a man in this world is not easy. I know you are thinking, But it's not easy to be a woman, and you are so right. But women get to complain and make others feel bad about their plight. Men have to suck it up. Good men suck it up and remain good-natured, constructive and helpful; less-good men become the kind of men who are spoofed on "The Man Show"--babe-watching, dope-smoking nihilists. (Nihilism is not manly, it is the last refuge of sissies.)

I should discuss how manliness and its brother, gentlemanliness, went out of style. I know, because I was there. In fact, I may have done it. I remember exactly when: It was in the mid-'70s, and I was in my mid-20s, and a big, nice, middle-aged man got up from his seat to help me haul a big piece of luggage into the overhead luggage space on a plane. I was a feminist, and knew our rules and rants. "I can do it myself," I snapped.

It was important that he know women are strong. It was even more important, it turns out, that I know I was a jackass, but I didn't. I embarrassed a nice man who was attempting to help a lady. I wasn't lady enough to let him. I bet he never offered to help a lady again. I bet he became an intellectual, or a writer, and not a good man like a fireman or a businessman who says, "Let's roll."

But perhaps it wasn't just me. I was there in America, as a child, when John Wayne was a hero, and a symbol of American manliness. He was strong, and silent. And I was there in America when they killed John Wayne by a thousand cuts. A lot of people killed him--not only feminists but peaceniks, leftists, intellectuals, others. You could even say it was Woody Allen who did it, through laughter and an endearing admission of his own nervousness and fear. He made nervousness and fearfulness the admired style. He made not being able to deck the shark, but doing the funniest commentary on not decking the shark, seem . . . cool.

But when we killed John Wayne, you know who we were left with. We were left with John Wayne's friendly-antagonist sidekick in the old John Ford movies, Barry Fitzgerald. The small, nervous, gossiping neighborhood commentator Barry Fitzgerald, who wanted to talk about everything and do nothing.

This was not progress. It was not improvement.

I missed John Wayne.

But now I think . . . he's back. I think he returned on Sept. 11. I think he ran up the stairs, threw the kid over his back like a sack of potatoes, came back down and shoveled rubble. I think he's in Afghanistan now, saying, with his slow swagger and simmering silence, "Yer in a whole lotta trouble now, Osama-boy."

I think he's back in style. And none too soon.

Welcome back, Duke.

And once again: Thank you, men of Sept. 11.

Ms. Noonan is a contributing editor of The Wall Street Journal. Her new book, "When Character Was King: A Story of Ronald Reagan," will be published by Viking Penguin this fall. Her column appears Fridays.

Hey, guys. I just got on the blog. I wonder how many BCM people are actually viewing it? By the way, who is Beaz?

I "love" You, God

So this week at Connector, Larry Grays (Pastor at Midtown-Bridge Church) spoke. I thought he really hit some good points and really made me think about a lot of things. He mentioned at one point that a lot of people seem to focus on the phrase, "I love You, God." He pointed out that too much of our worship is focused on us - puts us in the subject. He said that God needs to be the subject of our worship at all times. This was big for me I think, because for a long time I've been struggling with the idea of becoming less of a "me-based christian". Everything I find myself talking to God about is me, my plans, my life, my comfort, my joy. How do I break this trend? My first response in reducing the me-ness of my prayer is to want to treat God like I would any other friend and to be like "Hey, God...what's up in Your life right now...what are you struggling with?" but then I realize that that is not at all going to work. God isn't just another friend that I should support or be there for...He is so much more than that and I don't give Him the credit of being so much more very often. "I love You, God"....do I really? What do I mean when I tell God I love Him? Sure, I love Him in that moment, but will I love Him 10 minutes later when things aren't going my way?
"Does Job fear God for nothing?' Satan replied. 'Have you not put a hedge around him and his household and everything he has? You have blessed the work of his hands, so that his flocks and herds are spread throughout the land. But stretch out your hand and strike everything he has, and he will surely curse you to your face." - Job 1:9-11
Satan is right as his comment applies to my life, as much as I hate to admit it. I "love" God whenever things are going well for me and when it's easy to "love" Him, but what do I do when I feel down or tired or selfish or discouraged? I curse His name. I get angry with Him and sometimes I even feel hatred towards Him. I turn away from Him and instead of turning to Him for comfort and realizing that He is the one who can get me out of this, I hide inside myself and my pride and my stubbornness and refuse to accept His help. I prefer to wallow in my "horrible life" instead of being strong enough to realize that God is never "at blame", but rather is the creator and controller of all. I have no right to EVER place "blame" on God. I don't have a right to even tell Him I "love" Him. I don't even really know what love is or what that incredibly powerful word is and I think I use it way too much. I think I'm going to try not to tell God I love Him until I really mean it...even if that never happens due to my horrible human fallibility. I hate the word love. It's digressed to such a meaningless term that is thrown around like it's nothing. I don't want to "love" God the way "love" is used today. I want to love God the way He loves me. But I can't do that unless He allows me to love Him that way. I'm confused...I don't feel like I'm getting anywhere...I don't feel like I have a close connection to God...I don't understand who God is - like really understand who He is. Should I look out for myself more? Should I not be a pushover anymore? or should I be less selfish and give more and more of myself to everyone around me? But how much can I give before I break? Why is it always about me? What does it really mean for God to love us? I'm tired of my relationship with God being all about ME and God...but what else can it be? Me and my small group and God? Me and my friends and God? Everyone and God? What about just God? How can God's relationship with me be only about Him? How does that happen? Where do I go next? Who am I supposed to be? Who does God want me to be? What does God want me to do? How does God see me? How does God view Himself? Do I really truly believe in God and have faith in Him? No, not completely. Is it possible to have complete, never wavering faith in God? God is too big and too crazy awesome for me to understand...why is He like that? Why would He make us incapable of understand how big He is...I guess I sorta feel like it would make more sense for Him to make us capable of understand who He is and how huge He is, just not be able to achieve anything even remotely close to Him. Why are we so incapable of understanding? Why did God create man? He doesn't need us. He doesn't need anyone / anything. Why? Why do we spend so much time in school and then most of us never use what we learned in school...why do we even care? Larry said something to the effect of that the only reason Jesus hasn't come back for judgement yet is because God is passionate about seeing lost people repent and give their lives to Him. Then why aren't we evangelizing our little butts off to we can quick get everyone to give their lives to God so that we can get to be with God as quickly as possible. Why do we waste our time with school and sports and life in general? What does it look like to give your life over to evangelizing? Why do I hate who I am? Why do I care who I am or what I think about myself. GOD is everything. What God thinks of me - that's what matters. What does God think of me? What does God think of this? Is it ok to be confident and proud of yourself sometimes? Too much...too much to think about...too few answers...too few people who care...life isn't about you, it isn't about me, so get out of your stupid freaking hole of me-based christianity and live for GOD...when you figure out how let me know...i might be interested in trying too

Valentines day should be a day celebrating God...just like every other day...celebrating that God loves us...whatever the heck that means...not the commercialized forced "love" holiday it's become...I hate the very idea of earthly "love"

Dear God,
I love...errr I mean...God...I have nothing to say...nothing is truthful or even close to what is truth...I have nothing to say to you except....God...now how am I supposed to pray?

Ski Trip!

So this is the first time I have ever written on here...I completely failed last semester. Sorry about that!

Anyway, I'm here to talk about the goings on at the BCM, most recently the International Ski Trip. For those who don't know, the BCM has an International Student ministry that meets every Wednesday to help them learn English. They also go on trips around Atlanta and, in this case, North Carolina. I personally have never been involved in the Int'l Ministry before, but I have always wanted to give it a try and decided this would be a perfect opportunity--I had never been skiing before and wanted to get out of Atlanta for a while. 

We met at the BCM on Friday and carpooled up to NC. Just while we were waiting for everyone to arrive, I got to know several of the Int'l girls by playing Taboo and 2 of them ended up riding in my car (Schweta and Ritu). Eventually we left and made the 4-hour drive up there. It was a bit of a challenge finding places to eat since about half of the Int'l students are vegetarian, so we ended up at Pizza Hut (high quality). By the time we got to the church we were supposed to meet at, it was already somewhat late, but they had a whole program planned out for us (this wasn't just a GT event, all of the Georgia BCMs came with their Int'l kids, so there were a lot of people). This program included a comedian (which half of us missed, but apparently he made fun of UGA a lot, so he was obviously good in our books) and.....wait for it...line dancing! Apparently it's "something we here in the South like to do all the time"....yeah...well, there are some pretty entertaining pictures on facebook if you want to check those out. Some of us caught on more quickly than others...but we all had a good time.

Saturday morning we had to get up at 6 am (booooo) to eat breakfast and then leave by 7 for the ski place. That morning, there happened to be a lot of fog/cloud/something opaque, and we had to drive up the side of the mountain for about 20 minutes with almost no idea what was in front of us. And I was in the front of all the cars. Wonderful....but we made it up there alive, obviously. When we left, we saw how high up we were, and let's just say I'm glad I didn't make any mistakes. Haha. We all went and got ski equipment, and most of us went to ski school for about an hour. I had an awesome instructor from New Zealand, and after the lesson and a few runs down the bunny slope I felt ready to go on the beginner's slope. I pretty much stuck to that all day along with most of the other Tech kids. A few people went on the intermediate, and I probably could have by the end of the day, but decided it could wait until next year. I actually never fell while I was on the slope, it was just when I was standing around waiting to start skiing, or when I had just stopped, that I tipped over. Hahaha....graceful=not Lindsay.

After we stopped to take a group picture, we packed the cars and headed back to Atlanta. All in all it was a great trip, and I had so much fun with the Int'l kids. They were very friendly, easy to talk to, and grateful to us for taking them. I would highly encourage you all to get involved with this ministry. Even if you can't go to Conversation Club every Wednesday night, at least go on their trips. You won't regret it.

New Pages to the Digital Scrapbook

Chia Yearbook

I have never felt as completely reliant on God as I do now. I have never felt so horribly vulnerable and terrified. It feels horrible and unbearable, yet amazing at the same time and my tiny little brain can't comprehend how it's possible. I can't say that I frequently want to go through what I'm going through now in order to be closer to God...but I feel like God is growing me so much. It's like in the princess bride when they put him in that stretching machine. I feel like life has me by both wrists (yes i know...wrists...) and both ankles and refuses to let go. But I'm growing. Growing sucks. Growing hurts. Growing is just an overall poopy experience. But I'm growing. I'm giving it to God. Or at least I'm giving a little tiny bit to God every day. As much as I'm capable of giving that day. And one day He'll have the whole thing...even if that's not till the last second before I die...at least He'll have it. He'll have me and everything I stand for and everything I am and everything I think is so incredibly important now but as it turns out, won't even matter in a year or two or 20. I'm giving it to Him. I don't even know what that means, but I'm doing it. Or at least I think I am. I want to. I need to. I don't feel purposefull right now. But I'm growing. I have boughts of depression for stupid reasons if any reason at all. But I'm growing. I asked God a couple months ago to allow me to REALLY get to know Him. I was terrified what would happen after I prayed that. I semi-expected spouts of lava to shoot up through the floor of my room in some supernatural feat of nature and cause me to cling to the side of North Ave and then as I was about to be skewered to death by the tree below, have an angel fly down and show me a picture of God's high school year book with a cheesy "HAGS" signature by me and my so inconsistent friendship and laugh at the irony of me seeing God's "face" only moments before I would see His face for all of eternity. That's not dramatic at all. The point is that I had no idea what the heck He was gonna do but I was pretty 200% certain it wasn't going to be an easy answered prayer. I was right (for once haha) and it hurts. But I'm growing. And I'm glad I asked to know Him. I'm glad I have close friends to cry on and to love and to share with. I'm glad I know Him the tiniest bit more. I'm growing...heck I'm GROWING...how freaking awesome is it that God is growing me...of all people...me. Let's grow together. Let's grow the BCM. Easy is boring. Easy is really nice some times aka all the time but easy is boring. Let's grow and take the hard route and have bitter thoughts and hate people sometimes and not ever want to talk to God again...but then feel that wonderful downfall till trust in God is necessary so you don't go insane. Let's feel it. Let's grow the BCM together. Why are we so content with what we've already done. Let's fail a million times before we succeed together. Let's fall together. God's waiting for us to sign His yearbook...with more than just a "H.A.G.S"...why aren't we willing?