I "love" You, God

So this week at Connector, Larry Grays (Pastor at Midtown-Bridge Church) spoke. I thought he really hit some good points and really made me think about a lot of things. He mentioned at one point that a lot of people seem to focus on the phrase, "I love You, God." He pointed out that too much of our worship is focused on us - puts us in the subject. He said that God needs to be the subject of our worship at all times. This was big for me I think, because for a long time I've been struggling with the idea of becoming less of a "me-based christian". Everything I find myself talking to God about is me, my plans, my life, my comfort, my joy. How do I break this trend? My first response in reducing the me-ness of my prayer is to want to treat God like I would any other friend and to be like "Hey, God...what's up in Your life right now...what are you struggling with?" but then I realize that that is not at all going to work. God isn't just another friend that I should support or be there for...He is so much more than that and I don't give Him the credit of being so much more very often. "I love You, God"....do I really? What do I mean when I tell God I love Him? Sure, I love Him in that moment, but will I love Him 10 minutes later when things aren't going my way?
"Does Job fear God for nothing?' Satan replied. 'Have you not put a hedge around him and his household and everything he has? You have blessed the work of his hands, so that his flocks and herds are spread throughout the land. But stretch out your hand and strike everything he has, and he will surely curse you to your face." - Job 1:9-11
Satan is right as his comment applies to my life, as much as I hate to admit it. I "love" God whenever things are going well for me and when it's easy to "love" Him, but what do I do when I feel down or tired or selfish or discouraged? I curse His name. I get angry with Him and sometimes I even feel hatred towards Him. I turn away from Him and instead of turning to Him for comfort and realizing that He is the one who can get me out of this, I hide inside myself and my pride and my stubbornness and refuse to accept His help. I prefer to wallow in my "horrible life" instead of being strong enough to realize that God is never "at blame", but rather is the creator and controller of all. I have no right to EVER place "blame" on God. I don't have a right to even tell Him I "love" Him. I don't even really know what love is or what that incredibly powerful word is and I think I use it way too much. I think I'm going to try not to tell God I love Him until I really mean it...even if that never happens due to my horrible human fallibility. I hate the word love. It's digressed to such a meaningless term that is thrown around like it's nothing. I don't want to "love" God the way "love" is used today. I want to love God the way He loves me. But I can't do that unless He allows me to love Him that way. I'm confused...I don't feel like I'm getting anywhere...I don't feel like I have a close connection to God...I don't understand who God is - like really understand who He is. Should I look out for myself more? Should I not be a pushover anymore? or should I be less selfish and give more and more of myself to everyone around me? But how much can I give before I break? Why is it always about me? What does it really mean for God to love us? I'm tired of my relationship with God being all about ME and God...but what else can it be? Me and my small group and God? Me and my friends and God? Everyone and God? What about just God? How can God's relationship with me be only about Him? How does that happen? Where do I go next? Who am I supposed to be? Who does God want me to be? What does God want me to do? How does God see me? How does God view Himself? Do I really truly believe in God and have faith in Him? No, not completely. Is it possible to have complete, never wavering faith in God? God is too big and too crazy awesome for me to understand...why is He like that? Why would He make us incapable of understand how big He is...I guess I sorta feel like it would make more sense for Him to make us capable of understand who He is and how huge He is, just not be able to achieve anything even remotely close to Him. Why are we so incapable of understanding? Why did God create man? He doesn't need us. He doesn't need anyone / anything. Why? Why do we spend so much time in school and then most of us never use what we learned in school...why do we even care? Larry said something to the effect of that the only reason Jesus hasn't come back for judgement yet is because God is passionate about seeing lost people repent and give their lives to Him. Then why aren't we evangelizing our little butts off to we can quick get everyone to give their lives to God so that we can get to be with God as quickly as possible. Why do we waste our time with school and sports and life in general? What does it look like to give your life over to evangelizing? Why do I hate who I am? Why do I care who I am or what I think about myself. GOD is everything. What God thinks of me - that's what matters. What does God think of me? What does God think of this? Is it ok to be confident and proud of yourself sometimes? Too much...too much to think about...too few answers...too few people who care...life isn't about you, it isn't about me, so get out of your stupid freaking hole of me-based christianity and live for GOD...when you figure out how let me know...i might be interested in trying too

Valentines day should be a day celebrating God...just like every other day...celebrating that God loves us...whatever the heck that means...not the commercialized forced "love" holiday it's become...I hate the very idea of earthly "love"

Dear God,
I love...errr I mean...God...I have nothing to say...nothing is truthful or even close to what is truth...I have nothing to say to you except....God...now how am I supposed to pray?