"the other side"

So I've been reading The Fountainhead by Ayn Rand lately and well it's a messed up book in a way haha but I love it. I love the way she writes and the way she pulls things out of the world that I never would have been able to pull out or express that way. Anyway, recently I came across a a section that really hit home for me and I thought I might share it. Here's a really crappy catch-you-up for anyone who hasn't read the book (anyone who has...feel free to correct me if my summary is wrong)

This guy, Mallory, meets one of the main characters, Roark,and basically Roark refuses to accept society and refuses to accept that he must be a cookie cutter mold and refuses to stab other people in the back but insists that his own individualism and own individual creativity in architecture is far superior to any of the crap architecture that the other "sellouts" are giving the public, because the other guys are just giving society what they want...not what is actually great, ingenious architecture...for example, Roark works within simplicity...everything is created for a purpose and serves that purpose while being beautiful as a result almost...not stupid ornaments everywhere to make a building seem more expensive...not architectural ideas stolen from everyone else....anyway...haha Mallory is similar in his creative genius but with sculpture instead of architecture...and so Roark asks Mallory to make a sculpture for a temple that Roark has been hired to design and build...and when Roark finds Mallory, Mallory is basically going crazy in his apartment - he hasn't had work in forever and has basically suffered because no one wants him...nothing he does is considered amazing...although Roark thinks it is...Mallory has become an outcast, as has Roark, but Mallory is younger and weaker than Roark and he goes almost insane and can't handle not sculpting and can't handle seeing all the crap around him that is created with no personal investment in the project, just the goal of making money and getting rich, etc....

So with that in mind, I came across this part where Roark addresses Mallory saying:

“Now,” he said, “talk. Talk about the things you really want said. Don’t tell me about your family, your childhood, your friends or your feelings. Tell me about the things you think.”
Mallory looked at him incredulously and whispered:
“How did you know that?”
Roark smiled and said nothing.
“How did you know what’s been killing me? Slowly, for years, driving me to hate people when I don’t want to hate….Have you felt it, too? Have you seen how your best friends love everything about you-except the things that count? And your most important is nothing to them, nothing, not even a sound they can recognize. You mean, you want to hear? You want to know what I do and why I do it, you want to know what I think? It’s not boring to you? It’s important?”

I think I can really relate to the way Mallory feels in this...recently I have hated everyone around me for no reason...and it's been horrible and I hate that I hate so much...and there's no reason for it...but I've been trying to pull myself out of it...is this a normal feeling? Do other people feel this way sometimes? I'm not sure there's a solution to it even...maybe I'm a Mallory who needs to find a Roark haha...or maybe everyone feels this way at times but no one will admit it because we feel like we have to be happy 24/7 to show people that christians are always happy and never hurt. NOT TRUE...why do I feel like this is such a goal in today's Christian society? Am I alone in this thought?

Later Mallory goes on to talk about Roark and how Roark found him utterly destroyed and torn down. Mallory says,
"I'm wiser than you are about some things, because I'm weaker. I understand-the other side. That’s what did it to me … what you saw yesterday.”

I think this is huge...I can't speak for everyone else but I know that I know what it feels like to be completely down and feel like there is literally no hope...Christians arent supposed to feel that way...they're always supposed to have hope in God...and I do...but sometimes I dont...is that ok? In a way does it make me stronger? Do other people share in this or am I unique?...and I guess I feel like as a new christian I know what it feels like too to live in the nonchristian world and in one way that makes me weaker sorta - I dont have all these experiences with God for all these years...but in another way it makes me stronger...makes me understand what happens to everyone to an extent and makes me realize how horrible it is and how much we all need God...makes me realize that God caring even a little bit is amazing...and that even if we're dealing with crap while trusting God...it's 10 times better than dealing with crap without God. When people are too strong do they become weaker in a way cause they can't understand what it feels like to hurt?...or they can't understand the weaker people?...or they get too confident?...or get too self sufficient or something? I think so sometimes. ...in a way I relate to being the weaker, "wiser" one...and on the other hand I relate to being the stronger, "less wise" one...I think maybe we all do...Why do we feel the need to hide this pain and all these trials from our friends, from ourselves, or even try to hide it from God...Life isn't all smiles and giggles...but doesn't that make life just that much more amazing and unpredictable and fullfilling? Am I totally off on this? I might be...but at the same time I might not...

The book of Job wasn't included in the Bible for nothing right? Should we yearn to understand "the other side"?

ps - it's gorgeous outside! times might not always be easy...and God might not always make life any easier and God won't always "make everything better" - in fact I sorta feel like that rarely happens...how would we grow otherwise? - ...but days like these make me smile :-)