Confluence, again

So just now I heard Malisa tell me that on facebook they have an add to "make the perfect man...why search for mr. right when you can make him right now!"...that's ridiculously scary haha. Somehow though I think it's really apropriate with what hit me real hard about confluence this past weekend and connector tonight. Lately I've been living a me-based life and hating every minute of it. Here's a prime example of how I've been acting. In a way, I've told myself that no one fits the mold I feel they should fit so therefore no one gets me and no one is realiable and no one is how I wanted them created so I should just give up on them and deal soley with me. I pushed everyone out of my life (especially God) and the sad part is that I didn't even realize it. David Platt mentioned this weekend how sometimes we keep God at a distance but yet expect Him to give us all the blessings and comfort that come with a relationship with Him. RELATIONSHIP...I feel like I've drifted from that with God and Confluence allowed me to recognize that real quick. A lot of what David Hartley posted below really goes along with my experience from the weekend. When worship started the first day I was bitter and incapable of giving God the praise he deserved. I actually spent a whole song just staring at the floor thinking there is no way I can get back on my feet and let people back in my life without letting God back in, yet I can't do that either. I can't even worship or for goodness sake even pretend to worship Him at this point. Then David Platt spoke and he talked about our self-sufficient society and I was like woahhhh, God is crazy awesome. This is literally the exact thing that I have been hardcore struggling with for the past few weeks and even though to be honest I wasn't really that pumped for confluence either, I am SO incredibly glad I went. I can't say I have changed drastically and I will never again return to my prideful self and pretend like I can handle it all alone, but I feel like a new person now at least...a new person with a new outlook on how much I need God and how little He needs me...errr I should really say how He doesn't need me at all. I don't know...it hit hard...and connector just added to the point for me this week. Get out - be a friend - love - spread it. David Platt mentioned how that is God's plan for our life...and now here's Mike up front in connector talking about how we need to push out of our shells and comfortable apartments, dorms, whatever and just care about other people, no matter their background. Before I became a christian the only reason I understood evangelism at all is because I figured that these people truly believe that Christ has saved them and drastically changed their lives for the better and therefore they care about me enough to want to share in that with me. I figured that if they truly believed that and wasn't sharing Christ with me, then they didnt really care about me or didn't truly believe. Now I'm convicted by that all the time. Usually I just brush it off, but hopefully this past weekend and tonight's confluence will pop me out of my shell and get me to be brave and talk to people like I need to - like we all need to. God has put people in my life that I need to talk to and love on. I see them and recognize them but I refuse God's plan for me. That's crap and I hope I learn not to accept that and to strive for more. I hope everyone at the BCM feels the same way. Despite all of the crap we throw at God and all the stuff we keep Him out of, God really wants to use us. Let's make it happen.