Confluence

Wow, what a weekend. I think this is going to be a long post.

I have to admit, when I first signed up for Confluence I wasn't expecting anything spectacular. A conference in McDonough, GA on the same weekend as both GT Six Flags Night and a home football game didn't sound that much fun. It didn't help that I haven't missed a home football game since freshman year.

But still, to Confluence I went. It wasn't in Jekyll Island anymore and it wasn't called Fall Conference. I'm still not sure if the name change really means all that much in the long run. I think a big fancy name like Confluence might just sell short what really happened this weekend. If I had a chance to rename it, I might pick something like Long-Needed-Punch-In-The-Face-Fluence - you know, something clever like that. I'm sure we could pack the house with a name that catchy.

Our car was one of the last to arrive and we missed the (apparently) delicious BBQ served earlier. Still, we pulled up to this giant church parking lot and there were a boatload of excited people waiting for us. We heard yells, screams, shouts, and some sort of horn as we made our way inside. Inside, we were assaulted with high fives and assorted candies by people I've never seen before in my life. I wasn't really feeling the atmosphere at this point but I went along with it.

Steve Fee was a pretty awesome worship leader the whole weekend. I had seen him before at North Point and Buckhead church and always thought he was very talented. I understand that worship is what we make it, but Fee seems to have a gift for getting the people to connect to the words in his songs. He also understands our tendencies to shy away from true expressive worship. He did his best to call us out of our shells and into an authentic worship experience built only by the movement of the spirit.

But what really amazed me this weekend was David Platt. Actually, let me rephrase that. What really amazed me this weekend was the Holy Spirit's work through David Platt. I knew we were going to be in for a crazy weekend right from the first message. This guy wasn't pulling any punches. One of his first statements is bold and unnerving: God doesn't need us. He called us out immediately, asking if we could really claim a complete dependence on the Holy Spirit. Do I have a desperation for the Spirit of God? Woa - these were some hard questions.

Why must we be desperate for His presence? Here were David Platt's four main points:
1. We have an assignment we cannot fulfill.
2. We have a priviledge we cannot forsake
3. We have a family we cannot forget
4. We have a God that we cannot fathom.

This was a little shellshocking. It made me realize how easy it is to go on planning events, and living a religous life utterly devoid of the Holy Spirit. It left me feeling more than a little uneasy.

That night we checked into our hotel (the Microtel! Woo!) and headed off in large mass to the Waffle House within walking distance. We crowded into the booths there and shared in laughter and food.

Fast forward to the next morning as we shuffled out of our hotel, into cars, and finally into rows at the church. Steve Fee once again leads us in some awesome worship and David Platt walks slowly on to the stage. He spends some time talking about God's will and how not to do it. Here's some of what I wrote down on how NOT to find God's will:
- Not coincidences
- Not by picking random spots in the Bible
- Not by simply walking through open doors
- Not by avoiding closed doors
- Not the still small voice method

So how do we discern God's will? Platt tells us to turn to Matthew 28:16-20. This is the great commission. Uh-oh. This was another tough message to hear. Turns out God's will for our lives was written there in red letters at the end of Matthew. Platt continues to ask us tough questions about how we are fulfilling this great commandment in our own lives.

After the message we had a fine afternoon of relaxation. Most everyone went to Mellow Mushroom while a small group including myself ate at Zaxby's. I even managed to get in a nap afterwards, something I really needed.

Fast forward again to that night. Steve Fee once again seems to "get" authentic worship. But he's not the one I want to hear from at the moment. I'm waiting to hear from David Platt, to hear what his final points, to get to the bottom of this uneasiness in my heart.

Finally the time comes. Steadily, slowly Platt walks out onto the stage. He asks us to turn to Luke 9:57-62.

This is not an easy passage to teach. It talks about hard things that are difficult to understand. Give it a read and you'll see what I mean. Platt poses three questions based on this passage:

1. Will we choose comfort or will we choose the cross?
2. Will we settle for maintenance or will we sacrifice for mission?
3. Will our generation be marked by indecisive minds or undivided hearts?

Comfort vs. Cross. Maintenance vs. sacrifice. Indecisive minds vs. Undivided hearts. This is it: this is key. Christ is calling us to sacrifice all. Not some, not half, not most, all. I was filled with confusion over this: What can this possibly look like in my own life? Does this mean drop out of school? Move to Africa? Sell everything I have? The thoughts that rushed through my head were very confusing.

As we talked about the weekend later that night amongst our own group I realized that God had been saying many different things to us all. For some, they realized that they been convicted over playing a pretend religious life on the outside while the inside was turmoil. For others, I heard struggle over what to do with their lives when graduation came. Still others questioned what it meant to sacrifice it all and still had no answers.

I still don't have all the answers, but I figured out one thing God was saying to me.

I have a confession to make: I'm addicted to approval. I can't think of a better way to say it. The decisions I make on a day to day basis are largely motivated by my own selfish desire for others to approve of my actions. This means that, for the most part, I have worked my way into situations without the presence of the Holy Spirit as a guide. This realization both disturbs me and frees me. Though its not something I am happy about, knowing the source of this uneasiness I have felt on my heart frees me to give it up to Christ. Theres a reason I was able to leave McDonough with joy in my heart: Christ died for this sin too.

There's still more to be said about everything God has spoken about this weekend, yet, I cannot speak for all. I have seen the presence of the Holy Spirit working in people's hearts this weekend and it is a beautiful thing. I cannot wait to see where God is taking this thing from here.

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If you've got a story that you want to share about Confluence this weekend, feel free to leave a comment or send one of us an e-mail. You are welcome to keep anything you want to be posted here anonymous.

P.S. If you didn't make it to Confluence, you should check out Platt's sermons available here. Particularly check out 9/7/08 "What the Gospel demands." Its pretty close to what Platt was saying over the weekend.