New Pages to the Digital Scrapbook

Chia Yearbook

I have never felt as completely reliant on God as I do now. I have never felt so horribly vulnerable and terrified. It feels horrible and unbearable, yet amazing at the same time and my tiny little brain can't comprehend how it's possible. I can't say that I frequently want to go through what I'm going through now in order to be closer to God...but I feel like God is growing me so much. It's like in the princess bride when they put him in that stretching machine. I feel like life has me by both wrists (yes i know...wrists...) and both ankles and refuses to let go. But I'm growing. Growing sucks. Growing hurts. Growing is just an overall poopy experience. But I'm growing. I'm giving it to God. Or at least I'm giving a little tiny bit to God every day. As much as I'm capable of giving that day. And one day He'll have the whole thing...even if that's not till the last second before I die...at least He'll have it. He'll have me and everything I stand for and everything I am and everything I think is so incredibly important now but as it turns out, won't even matter in a year or two or 20. I'm giving it to Him. I don't even know what that means, but I'm doing it. Or at least I think I am. I want to. I need to. I don't feel purposefull right now. But I'm growing. I have boughts of depression for stupid reasons if any reason at all. But I'm growing. I asked God a couple months ago to allow me to REALLY get to know Him. I was terrified what would happen after I prayed that. I semi-expected spouts of lava to shoot up through the floor of my room in some supernatural feat of nature and cause me to cling to the side of North Ave and then as I was about to be skewered to death by the tree below, have an angel fly down and show me a picture of God's high school year book with a cheesy "HAGS" signature by me and my so inconsistent friendship and laugh at the irony of me seeing God's "face" only moments before I would see His face for all of eternity. That's not dramatic at all. The point is that I had no idea what the heck He was gonna do but I was pretty 200% certain it wasn't going to be an easy answered prayer. I was right (for once haha) and it hurts. But I'm growing. And I'm glad I asked to know Him. I'm glad I have close friends to cry on and to love and to share with. I'm glad I know Him the tiniest bit more. I'm growing...heck I'm GROWING...how freaking awesome is it that God is growing me...of all people...me. Let's grow together. Let's grow the BCM. Easy is boring. Easy is really nice some times aka all the time but easy is boring. Let's grow and take the hard route and have bitter thoughts and hate people sometimes and not ever want to talk to God again...but then feel that wonderful downfall till trust in God is necessary so you don't go insane. Let's feel it. Let's grow the BCM together. Why are we so content with what we've already done. Let's fail a million times before we succeed together. Let's fall together. God's waiting for us to sign His yearbook...with more than just a "H.A.G.S"...why aren't we willing?

Frustration within Growth

I think i've found that breaks are the hardest times for me to be happy and to be close with God. Somehow, though, this break I have been more consistent with my quiet times than i could ever have imagined and it feels amazing. It has sorta got me wondering though, why now? Why this Christmas am I suddenly feeling closer than ever to God and finally feeling like I can get to know Him like a long friend, keep building history with Him. I think I've finally broken down and been forced to trust Him and rely on Him more than ever. Going so many places over break and feeling Atlanta homesickness has left me closer to God simply by making me more alone and vulnerable. But with this great closeness to God, I keep wondering what I'm doing about it. I have missed so many chances to bring up God to my family...or to at least talk to them about things that are so important to me without feeling embarrassed or ashamed. I'm ashamed to be ashamed of God haha - I hate this in myself...why can't I be proud to want to go to christmas eve service even though my family doesn't want me to go...why can't I just be openly strong in my faith and not only live my faith but be willing to be vocal about my faith too...where do i draw the line between being obnoxiously vocal about God and being too ashamed to even mention Him...or worse to even avoid conversations about Him...I'm tired of being so afraid of discomfort...nothing will always be easy and comfortable - why would I expect God to be comfortable. I don't know where everyone else is this break with their families, but I feel like we all bring out the worst in each other. How can we build a family of unconditional love out of a family of separation and bitterness and past loss of trust. I want to be close to my family and want to see them...I want to share God, the most important thing/person/being/whatever you want to call Him, in my life with the people who i'm supposed to be the closest to. How do I share everything I've learned from God this past year and a half without making my family angry with me or without being ridiculed or made to feel stupid and young and innocent. I want to build up my family, but I want more for them to know God. How do I change this wanting into action? How do I live what I believe? How do I show them what I believe without pushing them away? If I'm the only one going through this or who can relate to this then I'm sorry for wasting your time...I hope everyone is having a safe and relaxing break. Merry Christmas of course.

GO JACKETS!!!

**Great job to everyone who worked the cookouts and thank you to those who supported the cookouts this year!!!**

Way to finish out a season!!!

Will I serve God for nothing?

so lately i've been struggling a lot with having a lot of questions and very few answers...i guess really that isn't a horrible thing it's just really hard for me to accept that fact that i won't always get a definite answer to my questions...anyway one particular one i've been struggling with has been how to switch from trying to follow God's will for my own benefit to trying to follow God's will simply to glorify Him. I feel like everything I do is centered around whether or not i'm comfortable or i'm happy. Even college...i'm so worried about what major i should be - what job i'll get when i graduate - but really why should it matter. Do i really believe that God can't use me no matter what job I have? of course not...then why do i worry about it so much. It's not that I'm worried that i won't be glorifying God...it's that i'm worried that i won't enjoy glorifying God or doing God's will won't be easy or painless. Pretty much all this worry is focused on me and my life and my goals and my happiness. At The Midtown Bridge Today, Larry spoke about Job. He brought up two big questions something around the lines of: Will a man serve God for nothing (if he loses everything)? and Is God still worthy to be served if you lose everything? I think those are incredibly important questions because honestly I don't think I could do what Job did. The littlest bumps in the road cause me to doubt God and wonder where He's gone and why He's not fixing the problem. One huge verse for me was Job 2:10 "Shall we accept good from God, and not trouble?" I don't know a lot of times I think I yearn to know God really well...to really really know him as a friend and father - to know Him in a way I could never know friends I see every day. But then I think about it, and I think that it's going to hurt a lot if i want to really know Him. It's just like any relationship...I can't expect to know someone incredibly well and really get them without working at the relationship and going through struggles and ups and downs....why do i expect a relationship with God to be any different...I want to "dig in and know the heart and integrity of God" I want to serve him for nothing... or at least I want to want those things...what do you want?

Tide-To-Go-Pen

A crude joke here. A spot of bitterness there. A fresh blob of jealousy. I make a thorough mess of my life. My point is, I need the equivalent of a Tide-to-go-Pen for my life. All the little things that I choose to do that are instantly regretted upon the passing of that moment seem to be showing. I need something that removes the stains so that I can be on my way looking clean and hiding the mistakes I have made. Apologize. Laugh it off. Try to forget it. Be on my way.

This summer I worked camp. One week in a city off the coast of Mississippi, we attended the churches children's service. I was asked to do a demonstration of how bleach (Jesus) when added to Koolaid (sin) removes the color. I did the demonstration and made my point that Jesus takes all of our sins away like they were never there. Really? Like they were never there?

It is hard to let go. No one really can let go of everything however hard we like to think we can. Jesus took the punishment of ALL our sins. Past, present, future. However, He does leave us with a story. This story is the memory of all the stains. This story is what witnessing is all about. The cup that overfloweth. The forrest fire. The abundant love that we just can't contain. (Insert other Christianese metaphors.) Jesus came in because you let Him in. Jesus is the difference in you and your choices. Jesus is the reason you have a story to share. Sharing with anyone about how your story changed upon letting Jesus in is your witness.

The Truth is that all the big stains that you try to hide and the small blemishes that you ignore on your favorite shirt, however unpleasing to your eyes, are what give you a witness. A story. Share it.

What are you going through?

Have you been having trouble trusting God? When you pray do you really believe that what you ask for God will deliver? Do you truly turn to God for every one of your problems, not just the ones that are convenient for you? Why ... but no, really,...why do you pray? Who are you sharing God with today? What questions are you asking?

What is everyone going through right now? Post - Share - Discuss

uninspired and nothing new - interested yet?

So I've been thinking about what I should write about the Birmingham trip from fall break and to be completely honest I have been incredibly uninspired - not because the trip was uninspiring...quite the opposite actually...just because I feel like a lot of times everything's been said or that I am discovering things that everyone else has discovered many times before or that everyone has mastered a long time ago and I feel like that's my main issue lately. I focus on "mastering" parts of my life and checking them off of my check-list-o-life and then feel so accomplished and wonderful with myself. Maybe that's been my fatal mistake with my relationship with God lately. All I want to do is look at all of my flaws, recognize them, fix them, check them off, and move on. I want everything in my life - I want to be successful in school, a pro guitarist and worship leader, a genius yet also a creative thinker, and most of all I want to be liked by everyone. Maybe that's the issue - all this wanting. When we went to church on Sunday to David Platt's church I was incredibly bitter with life for no reason besides immaturity and selfishness and I was contemplating just leaving the service to go sit by myself for awhile and dwell in my poor poor life and how horrible everything was for me. But luckily I stayed because now looking back, David Platt's message was vital to getting me thinking on the right path that weekend. He spoke about giving up everything you have for God and how so many of us aren't willing to do that. I thought about that and my typical stupid self immediately decided that maybe I should stop buying things for myself and stop purchasing anything at all that makes me happy and to try to live a life completely for other people -and that's great in one way and giving up things money can be exactly what I'm supposed to do...but if my life ends up completely void of all satisfactiong, then I think that's exactly where I'm missing the point. One of Platt's main points was that "Jesus does not want to strip us of our pleasure; He wants to satisfy us with His treasure" and at the time I did not understand that one bit. I couldn't understand how me giving up everything that I have and everything that I love and enjoy could not be considered stripping me of my pleasure...I understood that in the end I will get a treasure far greater than anything I could ever hope for here on earth in the stupid ups and downs of life, but that still didn't change the fact that I was depriving myself or stripping myself of pleasure here right now in this moment. I can't say I totally get it now either but at least I feel like I have a better grasp on the situtation. Maybe this isn't what Platt meant and maybe this is actually the wrong way to look at things but I feel like maybe it's really an issue of what brings me pleasure - changing what I live for and changing where I draw my excitement and happiness from. I can still live with amazing joy and sense of accomplishment if I shift my focus on discipleship and really putting everything I have into other people and finding joy in their successes and accomplishments. In theory I love this idea, but I feel like for me it is not practical. I am human, therefore I am definitely not in any way, shape, form, universe, or way of thinking perfect. Therefore, especially for me personally, it is impossible for me to pour my entire self into other people without "snapping" eventually and becoming totally bitter towards the world for not returning all that my wonderful self-sacrificing, and entirely prideful self has given the world. I mentioned this when we were all at a park late at night the last day of the trip and it was great to just really think about how hard it is for us to pour ourselves into other people...how hard it is to be "glad and rejoice" even when we "are being poured out like a drink offering..." (haha I guess memorizing Philippians 2:1-18 at camp actually was useful...as much as I'm hesitant to admit it) But that's where God comes in and that's also where my answers stop and where I start to accept that "Our lack of knowing is the beginning of humility and the very essence of the spiritual life" (Messy Spirituality maybe? haha). Anyway I'm not sure if any of this is new, but if nothing else I feel like I have a little bit of a new outlook on life...I want to help other people and really truly not expect anything in return...and not hold grudges...and not think about what's best for me...but to sacrifice all of my relational and emotional and mental comforts for other people...and I know from 19 years of experience that I CAN NOT do that on my own...and the only way that will even sort of happen is if I continue to let God back into my life and completely believe He will do it...cause He will...in His own way...*awkward pause* *awkward face I always make at the ends of videos*

Caption Contest!

All in good fun, because we all love our Campus Minister Mike...

Post a comment for a funny caption for this picture... The best gets a cookie. :)

Have a great day!

-Adrianne

DISCIPLESHIP...NOW!!

Discipleship now...I really have no concept of what a d-now really is haha, but it has the word discipleship in it and therefore it's relevant right? I don't know, I just like the name. When I hear it I think of some old teacher staring at me with her face all scrunched up in frustration, arms waving through the air and eyes lasering a hole right through my heart screaming "DISCIPLESHIP....NOW!!!" Sometimes I wonder if that's the closest human approximation of what God feels when we don't follow his commands. Like he's sitting there making it so incredibly obvious what we can do to glorify Him in our individual lives, and yet we are just sitting there zoned out thinking "When's lunch?" or "I wonder if lasering is really even a word?" or "Why the heck is this even relevant?" If I can't even handle the frustration I feel with myself over all this, then how must God feel? I know that I can't really make these judgements on how God "feels" haha but I guess when I do make these kinds of judgements it helps me realize how stupid I'm being. Last Connector was all about discipleship and here I am halfway through it finding myself completely zoned out and not having any idea what I'm supposed to be getting out of it. Why can't I focus for even 10 minutes on something as important as God? I don't know, maybe I really am ADD and then I'd have a name to call it, but I really think I'm just not focused enough on what I need to be focused on. That's why writing things down is so important for me, and also why the sheet of paper that Cyndi handed out last Connector helped me collect my thoughts so much. It may seem trivial to receive a piece of paper with "I am becoming a disciple...I make disciples...in the way of Jesus" on it, but to me it was incredibly important. Cyndi talking about different people who just seem to know everything about everything and people who just know everyone really made me think about what kind of person I am. How am I becoming a disciple? How am I making disciples? And how am I doing this in the way of Jesus? I'm not sure if I have any definite answers yet, but I do feel like I've been resistant to becoming a disciple of the right people or right things lately. I almost would say I'm trying to be a disciple of myself lately and I'm really not OK with that. I say that I want to make disciples, even if that means putting myself out on a chopping block and risking my own security, but do I actually act like that? Sure, I work hard to increase my ring of friendship for my own benefit, but when do I even consider what God wants me to do? (He wants me to know haha...He's yelling it my direction) And why do I make it about my so called "ring of friendship" instead of recognizing the amazingly meaningful relationships I could be building? I don't know it just made me think on a tangent and so I thought maybe someone else might be thinking similar things. It's so easy to feel like we're the only ones going through things, even when we're hit over the head multiple times with examples of why we're not. If anyone took the time to read my randomness I'd love to hear opinions or just random thoughts or even completely irrelevant information. :-)