Frustration within Growth

I think i've found that breaks are the hardest times for me to be happy and to be close with God. Somehow, though, this break I have been more consistent with my quiet times than i could ever have imagined and it feels amazing. It has sorta got me wondering though, why now? Why this Christmas am I suddenly feeling closer than ever to God and finally feeling like I can get to know Him like a long friend, keep building history with Him. I think I've finally broken down and been forced to trust Him and rely on Him more than ever. Going so many places over break and feeling Atlanta homesickness has left me closer to God simply by making me more alone and vulnerable. But with this great closeness to God, I keep wondering what I'm doing about it. I have missed so many chances to bring up God to my family...or to at least talk to them about things that are so important to me without feeling embarrassed or ashamed. I'm ashamed to be ashamed of God haha - I hate this in myself...why can't I be proud to want to go to christmas eve service even though my family doesn't want me to go...why can't I just be openly strong in my faith and not only live my faith but be willing to be vocal about my faith too...where do i draw the line between being obnoxiously vocal about God and being too ashamed to even mention Him...or worse to even avoid conversations about Him...I'm tired of being so afraid of discomfort...nothing will always be easy and comfortable - why would I expect God to be comfortable. I don't know where everyone else is this break with their families, but I feel like we all bring out the worst in each other. How can we build a family of unconditional love out of a family of separation and bitterness and past loss of trust. I want to be close to my family and want to see them...I want to share God, the most important thing/person/being/whatever you want to call Him, in my life with the people who i'm supposed to be the closest to. How do I share everything I've learned from God this past year and a half without making my family angry with me or without being ridiculed or made to feel stupid and young and innocent. I want to build up my family, but I want more for them to know God. How do I change this wanting into action? How do I live what I believe? How do I show them what I believe without pushing them away? If I'm the only one going through this or who can relate to this then I'm sorry for wasting your time...I hope everyone is having a safe and relaxing break. Merry Christmas of course.